Tuesday, 8 May 2018

When Words Fail

The internet is well populated with introverts making them extroverts of a sort in this particular environment, extending themselves, expressing themselves and generally seeking out other introverts with whom to commiserate over the challenges of introversion.  Many of them feel misunderstood or a misfit and I can attest to also often feeling like this.  I suspect it's a bit of an illusion though and that a large number of people have that 'I just don't fit' feeling and we are all deluded.  It isn't something I worry about but feeling like I don't fit most groups I encounter is so normal for me it probably does define me in some ways.  Still, it means I am going to have regular experiences where I just can't seem to make myself understood and thus experience some sort of friction due to misunderstandings, which for me is a very stressful thing.

For reasons that can only be due to my not expressing myself very well online, I seem to either give the impression that I am flounderingly clueless and need advice, which is usually quite unlikely to be true, or that I am overly endowed with confidence to the point of arrogance, which I am also fairly sure is not true.  How odd that I can't seem to hit the more realistic middle ground but swing between those two extremes.  

When one of those situations arises I get a bit rattled.  It distresses me to be misunderstood and it also distresses me that I am ineffectively communicating.  Too much distress overall ensues.

I wonder if I like to paint because it's a different form of communication. I can't fail to use the right words because there are no words.

Thinking out loud, or thinking in text because I am online, is an unavoidable process for me though it's an odd one for an introvert.  For those of you who know about the Myers Briggs personality types I will claim it is because my thinking function is extroverted ( we all have introverted and extroverted functions and the world sees our dominant extroverted one ).  I think out loud, share my process, essentially cannot progress through my own thinking without putting bits of it outside of myself.  That is where I can more clearly see.   This seems to cause me some trouble though, and makes me want to retreat from the world often.  It's a bit of a dance where I am compelled to share my raw thoughts and then regret doing so not long after.  Often I step on toes.  It's a bit painful at times.  

Painting is a refuge from that, though in my attempts to share my work, to put it out there publicly, I am online and talking. Oh dear.  Honestly, there are days when I wonder why it is so hard to be me.

Then I think, get over yourself woman.  Go paint something.  How about carrots?



6 comments:

  1. Your carrots are lovely and straight. We could never grow them like this. Apparently our soil was too fertile!
    I love the whole lifecycle feeling with this.
    I understand what you mean about feeling conflicted about putting yourself on the internet. It does feel a bit like standing on a desk and shouting into the noise and waiting to see whose eyes turn to look.
    You never seem too arrogant and know-it-all to me!
    xo Jazzy Jack

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    1. It has been several years since I gardened or grew veggies but I recall that wonky carrot shapes arose if the soil was a bit rocky and they had to grow around the rocks. Very glad I don't seem arrogant to you. I do feel as though I am constantly 'getting it wrong' in this whole communication thing. LOL but I can't help being me and I just keep plugging on, and sometimes standing on a desk and shouting "hey look at my carrots!" xoxo

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  2. Your carrots are divine! I just love the colors, and the shapes, and the composition - and the little blooms on the top!

    I also feel misunderstood/misinterpreted from time to time - and, on the other hand, I know that I also misunderstand/misinterpret others. We are only humans, after all. We try and do our best, don't we? So what if we miss sometimes... we are learning, we are all in this together. More often than not, I prefer to not explain myself to others because each of us can only understand what we can/ready to understand at every given moment, anyway. So I am happy if my art resonates, even if it doesn't resonate 100%. And communication is also art!

    Groups for me work only for a certain amount of time and for certain goals. I much prefer one-on-one experience - with friendships, learning, etc.

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    1. Thank you for liking my carrots! LOL You are quite right, we do our best and muddle along and it is good to remember this about both ourselves and each other. I think you are right about people only being ready to understand certain things at any given moment. I just hate the discomfort of conflict but then perhaps most people do. Also, I am a fixer and I am a bit distressed if I cannot fix things/situations. I prefer one-on-one always, but it isn't always an option and I suppose we must be sometimes challenged to step outside our comfort zones. That is really what living is. xoxoxo

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  3. Hi, I seem to notice that sometimes I will say something about a certain topic and someone else will answer in the same way (almost the same words!) but they are "correcting" me! I want to shout out "I just said that very same thing!" Did that ever happen to you? What is that? People not listening to what you said? Ha Ha It's a puzzle. Anyway, I guess most of us worry too much about what we say and how it is interpreted. I should have learned by now. Arlene from NJ

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    1. Maybe some of us never learn and just worry forever. LOL I do hate being misunderstood and I can't see that changing but I guess laughing about it as you just did is often required. I don't think I've experienced someone 'correcting' me with my own words but definitely experienced someone else saying something I've just said and getting credit for it. I suspect most of us are poor listeners at least some of the time. Communication is hard so we just keep trying. Thanks for sharing your experience and good luck!

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When Words Fail

The internet is well populated with introverts making them extroverts of a sort in this particular environment, extending themselves, expre...